By Caroline Godin 

We live in a messy world. A stressful job, a stressful cadence of hours, and a stressful living situation make it more challenging. That stress might hold you back from completing your responsibilities and achieving your goals. If so, how do we prevent being held back? What’s the root cause of your stress, and how can you face it head-on, overcome it, and achieve not only your responsibilities but your biggest goals? Let’s get to it. 

What Stress Does 

Stress isn’t just a momentary annoyance. It affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. When you’re stressed, it’s harder to concentrate. Your memory can lapse, and your anxiety increases. You feel overwhelmed and frustrated easily, lacking motivation for simple tasks. All this increases irritability and anger and can even cause depression. 

Moreover, stress affects you physically, leading to sleep problems, headaches, fatigue, muscle aches, and stomach issues. Stress can even lead to chest pain, a lower immune response, and a change in your sex drive. All this leads to more irritability. 

If stress can cause all this, it’s a good idea to pay attention to your symptoms and figure out what’s causing them. While it’s essential to tackle the symptoms individually—especially if they’re serious, like chest pain—it’s crucial to additionally find the root cause and work to mitigate the source of your stress. 

Finding the Root Cause

By finding the root cause of your stress, you work toward feeling relief. As a first responder, you naturally enjoy problem-solving tangible things, so just knowing the cause of the problem brings tensions down. But how can you find the cause of your stress? Here are four ways that may help. 

Journaling 

It might seem tedious, but journaling is a great way to relieve stress on paper. You get your frustration down, talk it out with a few lines in a notebook, and then you get to close the book and put it away. 

It doesn’t solve your problems but releases tension and gets your feelings out in a private and readable format. Why is it that important? You might notice a pattern when you look back on your journal entries. You might see where you get most frustrated or when specific symptoms seem most prominent. Journaling is a log of your feelings and what you’ve done that day. It’s a catalog of your life, and it can be very telling when trying to find the root cause of what’s holding you back. 

Listing 

If journaling isn’t your thing, try listing things. There are a couple of ways you can do this. 

You can list your goals first, starting with small responsibilities and working toward bigger goals. Pick a few goals you feel are most important or attainable. List small steps for each goal, including obstacles. Once you know your obstacles, start listing ways to overcome each of them. Pick one goal, its obstacles, and one way to overcome them. As you work through your list this way, you find small successes fueling your motivation toward bigger successes. 

Another listing method to discover what’s holding you back is to start listing things that cause you stress. Be cautious with this method if you’re currently experiencing sadness or depression, as it can exacerbate symptoms. This method works best when you’re stable but can’t quite figure out what’s holding you back from feeling successful. As you list your stressors, consider why they have a hold on you and if there’s another way to see them. There’s usually a way to handle them you haven’t thought of before. 

Asking the Right Questions 

In coaching, asking the right questions is the key to finding the correct answers. So, how do you ask yourself the right questions? Start by asking yourself how you feel about different situations in your life. Is there a situation that causes more tension than another? Is there a place, time of day, or person that stresses you most? Is that cause of stress something you can avoid or not? If not, start exploring questions that lead to the root cause of stress. Asking the right questions can change perspective, that aha moment that leads to understanding and, eventually, solutions. It often gives way to moments I hadn’t thought of that way before, leading to not trying this before. Coaching is about asking the right questions and can help you discover what’s holding you back. Once you have that answer, you can start to move forward. 

Meditation 

Many first responders say meditation isn’t for them, but it’s often because they haven’t learned how to do it or they have a misconception of what meditation is. Meditation or mindfulness benefits first responders because it calms the mind, helps discover the root cause of stress, and changes how you react to stress triggers. It doesn’t have to be hours of silence and focus. Many find short five or ten-minute moments of meditation easiest to accomplish and very relaxing.

Start by focusing on breathing, whether in the truck, at the kitchen table, or on the couch. Let your mind wander for a moment, and then when you notice a thought or feeling interrupting your calm, push it aside. This isn’t the same as ignoring it; instead, you’re setting it aside so you can be in the moment. Then, continue to breathe. Take a breath in for four counts, hold it for four, then breathe out for four, then hold it for four. It’s called square breathing or box breathing and is practiced by Navy SEALs. It should be calming and relaxing. It may be all you need if you only have a few minutes. Meditation takes practice, so don’t give up if you don’t feel successful at first. Try another time. 

Facing the Fire: How to Overcome What’s Holding You Back 

Once you’ve discovered the root cause of your stress, however many there are, it’s time to face what’s holding you back from accomplishing your responsibilities and overall goals. Again, there are a few ways to do this. 

Confrontation 

Sometimes, facing the fire head-on is the most direct and appropriate way to face your stress. This might be if it’s a person taking advantage of you or someone you love. It might be a hang-up with your job, and you would benefit from speaking directly to your superior about it. 

Confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive—it’s better for you if it’s not—but it’s about being direct, honest, and in control of yourself. If you’re unsure about confronting the issue head-on because of the conversation, you need to have role-play with a friend or a third party. It helps you decide what to say and how to say it. Be prepared for various outcomes and choose to do it when you’re most calm. Most people appreciate upfront honesty, and it’s an excellent way to face your fears. If you accomplish this, no matter the outcome, you’ll feel more confident and be prepared to try it again in other areas of your life. 

Problem-Solving 

If your stress is a puzzle, like how to manage a schedule or a debt, you may need to problem-solve. Research your concern and brainstorm ways to solve it. This is an obstacle in your life, and obstacles can be overcome. Ask a friend, mentor, or an expert on the issue. You’re the only person who knows you best, but many people know your problem. If it needs to be confidential, ask for help confidentially. There are plenty of people willing to listen and keep it confidential. Once you’ve found some possible solutions, determine the most feasible and get started. Realize that problem-solving may take a few tries. Even when you feel you’ve tried everything, there’s always another way. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so go venture. 

New Perspectives 

In coaching, we’re all about discovering new perspectives. Ask yourself if there’s another way to look at your problem. It’s not to make the problem go away instantly but to change how you might see it. You discover new solutions when you find a new way to look at something. Ask yourself how this looks to someone else. Imagine it’s a physical item you can walk around and see from different angles. Have you been stuck looking at it one way or another? How else can you see it? Play around with that, challenging yourself to find a new perspective that might open a door you didn’t realize existed. 

Moving Forward 

When you face what’s holding you back head-on, you see better, problem-solve better, and gain confidence. Your stress levels go down, and your daily goals become more accessible. In time, your long-term goals are more attainable. You start to succeed in more areas of your life. 

Ask yourself, what’s holding you back, and can you face the fire head-on? 

Caroline Godin is the First Responder Coaching publicist and a certified life coach. She can be reached at [email protected], and her articles can be found at www.1strespondercoaching.org/blog.