This morning, I came home from shift feeling off. Unsettled. Like I had been there … but not really. Ever have those days? You punch the clock, do the job, interact, move, function … but something about it feels disconnected. Like you were operating behind glass?
Yeah. That was me.
It wasn’t a bad shift. My crew was solid — supportive, sharp, dialed-in. We ran enough calls to stay busy, but nothing overly chaotic. And yet, I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that I wasn’t really in it.
It was like I was managing the shift, not experiencing it.
I wasn’t present. I wasn’t flowing. Every conversation felt calculated, like I was playing chess with my words. Strategic, but robotic. I asked questions to keep things moving, but none of it felt real. I wasn’t submerged in the moment, I was pacing ahead of it, already mentally halfway home.
And now I am home … and I feel like I missed something.
Being “in your own head” is a strange space. It’s hard to pin down, but you know it when you’re in it. Psychologists call this state cognitive entanglement. It’s when thoughts are so tangled around expectations, worries, or future plans that they disconnect you from what’s happening right in front of you.
It’s not burnout. It’s not depression. It’s not failure.
It’s friction. Internal friction.
And most of us never talk about it.
“You can’t be present when your mind is somewhere your feet aren’t.”
— Anonymous
Today, I’m not sharing a solution. I’m not wrapping this up with a pretty bow or motivational punchline. I’m just paying attention.
And I invite you to do the same.
Check in with yourself. Were you present at work today or just surviving it? Did you speak with your crew or just speak around them? Are you managing your day or letting yourself feel it?
This weekend, I’m going to try to recalibrate. I want to give my family the version of me that’s here, not pacing through plans or to-dos in my mind. I’m going to try and submerge into real quality time. See if I can get back to the flow.
And if any of this resonated with you, I want you to know: you’re not alone.
This is part of the human experience, and especially the firefighter experience. We carry a lot. And sometimes we forget that even our own thoughts can be heavy.
You are the hero in your own story. Even when it feels like you’re just observing yourself from the passenger seat, this awareness is the path forward. Keep showing up. Keep checking in. And keep reminding yourself that presence is a practice, not a performance.
You’ve got this.
