Have you ever been caught in a moment where you feel your ears might burn off the sides of your head? Or where your heart might beat out of your chest? You may feel your hand shaking and your breath quickening.
Did it start with a fight? Or maybe you’ve just endured an abusive patient. Or maybe you’ve just survived an on-shift trip to the grocery store more crowded than a soldout concert.
No matter how you got here — have you ever wondered why some people get so easily angered while others seem effortlessly unbothered?
Which one are you, and are you aware of why you get so bothered and angry? It goes deeper than the 20-cart deep checkout line,maybe even trekking back to your childhood and how you were raised.
The question is, why do we get angry?
This varies from person to person and depends on the variety of scenarios we might find ourselves in. Though anger is considered a secondary emotion, it protects us when we feel vulnerable. The real question becomes, what were we feeling before the anger? Were we embarrassed, scared, annoyed, or disappointed?
These are examples of primary emotions that lead us to anger and the following physical response:increased heart rate and respiration, muscle tension, and the sensation of feeling hot — like your ears feel like they will burn off. This is your sympathetic nervous system being activated, preparing you to fight or flee.
How do we combat this anger?
There are various techniques to help you in the heat of the moment. Some you can get away with in public areas without people noticing. Others are better done in private, as some people might find it odd that you dunked your face into the coldest water you could find.
While each technique is valuable,experiment to see what works best. The more you practice, the easier it will become to use these mental tools effectively in the moment. Think of it like building muscle memory on the firefighting skills you practiced so muchthey are impossible to forget.
There are many techniques to help you combat the intense emotions that lead to and come from anger. However, what may be more important is to find the underlying cause of why you may be so quick to get angry. This may lead you to seek professional help through psychotherapy to get to the root cause.
Staying angry is exhausting, and accepting it as a regular part of your response system isn’t feasible in the long run. Therapists trained to work with first responders and in eye movement desensitization reprocessing are always a great starting point on your journey to wellness.
Anger Management Tool: TIPP Skills TIPP skills go beyond rote memory. They work by changing your body’s chemistry to reduce extreme emotions as quickly as possible. They involve temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation.
- Temperature
- This uses cold water to trick your body into activating the mammalian diving reflex. Heart rate and breathing will slow, activating your parasympathetic nervous system. Here’s how to trick your body: Put a big bowl of ice water on a table, followed by holding your breath, plunging your face into the bowl, and holding it for at least 30 seconds. No bowl available? No problem; an ice pack to the face and back of the neck while bent over at the waist will give you the same effect. As a caution, if you have a heart condition or use a beta blocker medication, consult your health care provider before practicing this skill.
- Intense Exercise
- Since you’re already revved up, expend that energy in exercise to feel calmer afterward. Ideally, you would want to do 30 minutes of intense physical exercise, such as running, jumping rope, lifting weights, or riding a bike. However, even a few minutes of intense physical exercise can achieve that goal.
- Paced Breathing
- Controlled, slow breathing can decrease your heart rate and emotional intensity. First, breathe from your belly or diaphragm. Second, slow your breathing. Third, aim to have your exhalation longer than your inhalation.
- Paired/Progressive Muscle Relaxation
- Starting from your feet, flex/tense your muscles as you breathe in, then relax as you breathe out and say, “relax.” Continue until you reach your face. There are great YouTube videos that help guide you through this process. Check one out by scanning the QR code below.
Anger Management Tool: STOP
- Literally, stop what you are doing.
- Breathe and think about the paced breathing in TIPPs. Inhale slowly and exhale even slower.
- Observe your thoughts, emotions, and physical feelings. Why are you angry?
- Consider how you want to react in a way that would be helpful.
